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Stephen Grosz

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The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves Paperback – May 12, 2014

by Stephen Grosz (Author)

4.3 3,399 ratings

Goodreads Choice Award nominee

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An extraordinary book for anyone eager to understand the hidden motives that shape our lives.

We are all storytellers―we create stories to make sense of our lives. A moving collection of short, personal encounters between a psychoanalyst and his patients, The Examined Life reveals how the art of insight can illuminate the most complicated, confounding, and human of experiences. Ultimately, these stories show us not only how we love ourselves but how we might find ourselves.

Print length

240 pages
Language

English
Publisher

W. W. Norton & Company
Publication date

May 12, 2014
Dimensions

5.5 x 0.6 x 8.3 inches
ISBN-10

0393349322
ISBN-13

978-0393349320
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Shares the best literary qualities of Freud’s most persuasive work. It is…an insightful and beautifully written book…a series of slim, piercing chapters that read like a combination of Chekhov and Oliver Sacks. [A] deeply affecting book."
― Michiko Kakutani, New York Times

"Magnetically compelling…The result is a shared sense of humanity, understanding and even hope."
― Kate Tuttle, Boston Globe

"Beautifully written…The insights here will cut close to the bone."
― Dinah Loon, Nature

"A peek into the human psyche…Marked by a clear absence of technical jargon…An immensely personal work, and something much more than just a legacy of advice."
― Lucy Scholes, Daily Beast

"Grosz’s vignettes are so brilliantly put together that they read like pieces of bare, illuminating fiction…utterly captivating."
― Robert Collins, Sunday Times

"By turns edifying and moving. Grosz offers astute insights into the perplexities of everyday life."
― Trisha Andres, Financial Times

"Impossible to put down…it will leave you wiser about humanity than you were when you picked it up."
― Andrew Solomon, author of Far From the Tree

About the Author

Stephen Grosz is a practicing psychoanalyst who has worked with patients for more than twenty-five years. Born in America, educated at the University of California, Berkeley, and at Oxford University, he now lives in London.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ W. W. Norton & Company; Reprint edition (May 12, 2014)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0393349322
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0393349320
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.7 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.3 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #113,313 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #102 in Popular Psychology Psychoanalysis
- #2,833 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
4.3 3,399 ratings

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Stephen Grosz

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Stephen Grosz is a practicing psychoanalyst--he has worked with patients for more than twenty-five years. Born in America, educated at the University of California, Berkeley, and at Oxford University, he lives in London. A Sunday Times bestseller, The Examined Life is his first book.

For more information please visit www.stephengrosz.com

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5

3,399 global ratings

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Laz

Great product

Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2023

Great transaction

Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2013

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These essays are appropriately enigmatic. I read the book quickly and might even return to the book at some future time. Yes, he could have elaborated more but seemed to capture whatever was essential. The chapter, "How Anger Can Keep Us From Sadness", was amazing. There seems to be no limit to compassion nor limits to how much love may be extended. Dr. Grosz seems to be a true humanitarian, first and foremost, a quality that may be more healing than any other. Perhaps his years of intimate contact with others have enriched him as much as his patients have been helped, and he is sharing bits of that enrichment, a fulfillment of the book's epigraph: "We receive and we lose, and we must try to achieve gratitude to embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses." Would love to read more books of this sort.

16 people found this helpful

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Shianne

Great inspiring piece to light a fire in you, or for reflection.

Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2013

Verified Purchase

This is sort of an Aesop's Fables for us all, from encounters of a psychoanalyst with his clients over his lengthy career.
I read it in the first day I got this, and wanted more! I really hope he comes out with another book.
I had several Ah-Ha moments of my own and I think anyone who reads this beautiful book would, too.
Some people on here have complained that they wanted more details, more of the story of each character (and that did make me hesitate on purchasing, but I'm glad I decided to try it out myself) - but I actually disagree with them.
The beauty of this book is that each story, or insight ends with a bang. You are brought into the scene adequately enough, with just the right amount of backstory, you are told the meat of the matter, and a little explanation on the reasoning behind the behavior.
I think there were only 2 or 3 that I had a couple of questions about. But it is better to leave your audience wanting more, and I definitely did.
I don't want to give too much away, just say that for me, personally, this book woke me up- and it was nice to relate to some stories, and I think anyone that enjoys studying human behavior would love to add this to their collection.
For me, it will be one I reread when I need to remind myself how not to get stuck, to not be afraid of change, and all around how to be a better person.

7 people found this helpful

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James4765

I wanted to know the rest of the story

Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2013

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This book goes a long way towards helping the reader understand how psychoanalysis works. It convinced me that if I ever need therapy, I would rather get cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) rather than psychoanalysis. With a psychoanalyst you might spend years and many thousands of dollars trying to understand yourself and the cause of your problems. While self-awareness may be a sufficient goal for some, I prefer CBT, the primary goal of which is to modify your behavior rather than your self-awareness. The stories in The Examined Life are a mixed bag. Perhaps two-thirds are really fascinating (up to a point). The rest just seem like filler. My main problem with the book is that the author does not reveal the resolution of many, if not most, of the stories. At the end of each chapter, I found myself asking, what happened next? Was the problem resolved or not? It was as if the book's editor inadvertently cut out the last few pages of every chapter. Maybe the author was unable to resolve these problems. Maybe he wasn't even seeking a resolution. He never tells the reader.

15 people found this helpful

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Brendastarshine

gems of insight

Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2013

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A couple reviews seemed to feel that the cases should have been 'wrapped up' with followup on how the patients fared later......which, in my mind, is irrelevant. This is a small book with short chapters/synopses of a variety of patients, and the diagnoses/insights about each. I loved that (in most, for me) there are defined passages of flashes of "aha! so THAT'S why/how" that I want to remember.........behavioral or personality traits that I can (suddenly) see and understand in situations and people in my own realm. Those who just go with the flow and have no interest in understanding how or why they --or others ----- act or react to life will probably not care for this book, but I flagged a dozen pages with the intent to pull it out and re-read them many times to refresh myself until I get those concepts drilled into my memory. While each was simple, coming across so many "aha's!" in one read was a bit of overload for me...my mind whirls with each one as I bump it against people and situations I encounter. Anyhow- anyone looking for complete case studies, from first visit to "cure/happy ending" :) should move on, this is not it.

26 people found this helpful

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Marie

Of the style this writer used, my learning is greatly enhanced.

Reviewed in the United States on April 8, 2023

Verified Purchase

It's for counselor, therapist, psychopathologist, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, student, and sufferers. alike. It is for a mother, a father, sister and brother, and the only child. It is for you and for me.

2 people found this helpful

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Patricia

Intriguing look into the emotional health issues of patients

Reviewed in the United States on August 2, 2013

Verified Purchase

The author, a practicing psychoanalyst, gives a glimpse and background insight into some of the case histories he has dealt with over his long career. The patients and their issues are very interesting and then he explains some of the theory behind their problems. Unfortunately we seldom get to see real resolution since patients often choose not to continue or just disappear. Nevertheless, there is a lot to learn and I found it interesting.

One person found this helpful

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Wanda Hennig

Comments on 'closure' especially appreciated!

Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2016

Verified Purchase

I saw this book in the stores while on a visit to London last year. Took me all this time to order it (last week) on my Kindle. Happily was anything bit disappointed. What I specially liked is the memoir approach and how the author weaves together stories of his patients with his own story. That he is willing to show his own vulnerabilities and that he also needs to figure some things out makes him human and deeply authentic. For example, when he takes his dad on a journey into the past. Lots of food for thought on the unpredictability and complexities of life. One thing I specially appreciated is his chapter on grieving and "closure." I think, every time I see the word bandied about, how preposterous it is. He's the first person I've seen actually write about this and make the point that life doesn't work like that. Very worthwhile and thoughtful little book that was a pleasure to read.

36 people found this helpful

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Anonymous

Not just fascinating, helpful

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 5, 2024

Verified Purchase

I think of this as a masterpiece. Although Stephen Grisz may not appreciate anyone saying this, it has been more helpful to me than actual therapy I have experienced over the years. But more than that, I think it will help me enter future therapy in a more honest way.
This book helped me feel less alone and less weird. I am an adult and I logically know everyone has their own inner life and that's that, but sometimes I want hear the particulars. I'm always grateful to people who generously give that gift.
Aside from that, the writing is superb.

Christian Rabhansl

Eine tolle Zusammenstellung von Geschichten, die das Leben bewegen.

Reviewed in Germany on December 8, 2021

Verified Purchase

Die Geschichten, die wir uns erzählen, integrieren die Vergangenheit bzw. versteinern diese. Dieses Buch von Stephen Grosz handelt von den Begegnungen mit seinen Patienten. In 31 kurzen Geschichten werden Themen wie Verlust, Veränderung, Sinn, Tod, Beziehungen, Gefühle, etc. aufgegriffen, um in einem nicht-psychoanalytischen Vokabular den Leser in die Welt dieses Patienten einzuführen, eine Verbindung herzustellen, eine andere Sichtweise nachzuempfinden.

Das Kapitel “how praise can cause a loss of confidence” erinnerte mich an Alfie Kohn, welcher über Belohnung und Bestrafung im erzieherischen Sinne schreibt. Die Wissenschaftler Dweck und Müller fanden heraus, dass Kinder, welche für ihre Leistung anstatt für ihre Intelligenz gelobt wurden, mehr Willenskraft, Resilienz und eine selbstwertdienliche Attribution hatten, verglichen mit der “Intelligenz” Gruppe. Aufmerksamkeit, Präsenz, aufrichtiges Interesse für ein Kind toppen die Belohnungsstrategie um Weiten.

“On being a Patient”, erinnerte mich meine eigene dunklere Zeit. Mir zu vergewissern, dass ich immer eine Wahl habe, nicht nur zwischen Schwarz und Weiß, sondern darüber hinaus und das es bei mir anfängt, diese Entscheidung zu treffen, wirkt wie ein beruhigendes Gefühl im Brustkorb. Diese Entscheidung, immer wieder getroffen, dreht sich schließlich um, und kreiert meine Identität.

So ist dieses kurze Buch eine Ansammlung von Patienten mit deren Geschichten. Unterhaltsam, leicht zu lesen, zum Nachdenken anregend, abwechslungsreich.

3 people found this helpful

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Amazonbuyer1millionand1

Thought provoking

Reviewed in Australia on October 30, 2023

Verified Purchase

A thought provoking read. Quick and easy read. Recommended.

Harjit Takkar

A complete insight into psychology

Reviewed in India on February 5, 2018

Verified Purchase

Each chapter of the book has the power to change the way one thinks or lives. Thanks @stephen Grosz for creating this.

One person found this helpful

C Muck

A thought provoking read...

Reviewed in Canada on January 9, 2017

Verified Purchase

This book makes you think. By sharing the stories of others, & his own thoughts, Grosz forces you to consider your own human reality. As a teacher, it made me think about a lot of my students & their own lives & challenges.

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