Audiobook
$0.00
with membership trial

Paperback
$5.38

Your audiobook is waiting!

Click above for unlimited listening to select audiobooks, Audible Originals, and podcasts.
One credit a month to pick any title from our entire premium selection — yours to keep (you'll use your first credit now).
You will get an email reminder before your trial ends.
$14.95 a month after 30 days. Cancel online anytime.

Learn more about membership

Sold and delivered by Audible, an Amazon company

List Price: $14.95

By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible’s Conditions Of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice.

Sold and delivered by Audible, an Amazon company

The Half-Assed Wizard: Book 1 Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Gary Jonas (Author), Joe Hempel (Narrator), Denton & White (Publisher)

308

See all formats and editions

A couple of jerks wake me up at the crack of noon. Seems my klepto uncle stole an ancient deck of Tarot cards from a high-powered wizard, and too many losers want to ruin my day to get them back.

The cards are cool, so I check them out, but my magic-happy cousin, Sabrina, tells me I'm not supposed to touch them. Oops. Too late. Now the damn cards are tuned to me, and if someone else wants to use them, I have to die. Why couldn't she have led with that information?

Magic was never my scene, but my dad is one of the most powerful wizards in the world, so I've got unrealized potential if I ever bother to apply myself. I'd rather power nap, but with wizards, gunslingers, and cannibalistic shark dudes coming at me, that's not gonna happen.

They say I'm a half-assed wizard, but if I don't play my cards right, I'm gonna get my whole ass killed.

Listening Length

4 hours and 29 minutes
Author

Gary Jonas
Narrator

Joe Hempel
Audible release date

September 11, 2017
Language

English
Publisher

Denton & White
ASIN

B074T12T3D
Version

Unabridged
Program Type

Audiobook
See all details

Report an issue with this product or seller

Read & Listen

between reading the Kindle book and listening to Audible audiobook.
Add the audiobook for a reduced price of $7.49 after you get the Kindle book as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription.

People who bought this also bought

Page 1 of 1Start OverPage 1 of 1

Only from Audible

Page 1 of 1Start OverPage 1 of 1

Hot White Heist 2
Adam Goldman
in Audible Books & Originals

Audible Audiobook
$0.00 Free with Audible trial
Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood
Trevor Noah
105,619
in Performing Arts

Audible Audiobook
$0.00 Free with Audible trial
Slaughterhouse-Five
Kurt Vonnegut
33,854
Audible Audiobook
$0.00 Free with Audible trial
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
Phil Mason
1,211
Audible Audiobook
$0.00 Free with Audible trial
Heads Will Roll
Kate McKinnon
129
Audible Audiobook
$0.00 Listen free with Audible

Product details

Listening Length	4 hours and 29 minutes
Author	Gary Jonas
Narrator	Joe Hempel
Whispersync for Voice	Ready
Audible.com Release Date	September 11, 2017
Publisher	Denton & White
Program Type	Audiobook
Version	Unabridged
Language	English
ASIN	B074T12T3D
Best Sellers Rank	#302,687 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #3,447 in Humorous Fiction & Satire #4,015 in Urban Fantasy #8,545 in Classic Literature

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5

308 global ratings

How customer reviews and ratings work

Sort reviews by

Top reviews from the United States

There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

Tina G.

An amusing wizard...

Reviewed in the United States on December 7, 2019

Verified Purchase

The Half-Assed Wizard (Book 1) by Gary Jonas and narrated by Joe Hempel turned out to be way more entertaining than I expected. Recommend if you like smart-a** characters and magic. 4 ½ stars for story, 5 stars for narration.

What’s it about? Brett lives at his parents house and lacks any kind of ambition other than to play with his band and even that’s questionable. His father is one of the top magicians in the world, while Brett wants nothing to do with magic or his father. His cousin, Sabrina, is also skilled at magic, in the family business, and helps to ground Brett. One of his band mates is a vampire. Brett ends up getting himself into a life and death situation with a deck of Tarot cards. The magical objects (Hendrix guitar) and bad guys (the shark men) add a certain amusement to the story. My favorite was the carpet, Mangani, that eats people. The only problem I had is it’s difficult to connect to Brett because he’s so much of a spoiled turd at times, but his situation changes towards the end and the potential for him to redeem himself in current and future installments is a possibility. We also learn a little of why he is the way he is as the book progresses and this could serve as a lesson as to not judge because we never know what’s going on behind the scenes.

The narrator, Joe Hempel, was amazing. He nailed the MC perfectly- he had me laughing several times. Definitely a great fit for this story.

“After give or six whiskeys, I was spiraling downward, but thought I was profound and had the secret of the universe ready to spill from my lips.”
~~
“You’re not going to hook up with anyone, Brett. You have an appointment, and your father and cousin are counting on you.” (Michael)
I started laughing. “They’re f***d.” (Brett) This scene, Joe had me laughing with the way he said this, if you listen to any part of the book, make sure it’s this scene.
~~
“I had two choices. I could be perfect, which was never going to happen. Or I could stop trying.”

Overall, I highly recommend, especially if you prefer a little magic with your snark. I will listen to the second book asap if it becomes available as an audiobook.

Parental guidance/trigger warnings: drinking alcohol, smoking a joint, sex talk, father is abusive (mention of past physical abuse and the father and MC get in a fight in the book where the father physically hurts the MC, verbally abusive), death (via multiple ways, usually magical). Language used: fx20, sx50, hellx30, and possibly more I’m missing.

*I was given a free review copy of the audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review. Thank you for allowing me to listen and review the book!

Helpful

Lily's dad

The Mud Hen Meets Urban Fantasy

Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2018

Verified Purchase

As a middle school kid I used to read a series (only 2 if I remember correctly) about a character called “the Mud Hen”. He was a very bright but lazy slacker. He and his group of friends would get into trouble and the Mud Hen would devise clever ways to extricate them. This series has a similar feel to it. It is a fun twist to have a powerful wizard who only reluctantly gets involved instead of being the white knight riding about seeking metaphorical (and sometimes real) dragons to slay. Having read books 1 & 2 I’m looking forward to book 3 and beyond.

Helpful

Montzalee Wittmann

Magic, adventure, fun!

Reviewed in the United States on September 29, 2017

Verified Purchase

The Half-Assed Wizard: Book 1
Written by: Gary Jonas
Narrated by: Joe Hempel
I requested this audible book and the review is voluntary.
I have read almost all of Gary Jonas books and love them all so much so when I saw this I jumped for it. I have the eBook of this book but just haven't read it yet. I would love to 'hear' it. I was lucky to be chosen. This book do not disappoint. It was full of the Jonas humor, adventure, and crazy situations that Jonas characters seem to get into. Fun and exciting is the words I would describe this book. I am always glad to read his book and want to kick myself for waiting to read this.
The narrator did an awesome job so I am glad that I waited in that way. I have listened to this narrator before and he always adds so much to a story. He takes a great story and makes it "POP". Great job!!!

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Mark E. White

Slow plot start, gratuitous sex and language, but finishes well enough to get you to the sequel

Reviewed in the United States on July 30, 2017

Verified Purchase

Generally love Gary Jonas. This was a slow start, and I nearly put it down twice. Maybe more language and sex than needed, but the plot smooths and sophisticates as the main character (a true anti-hero) starts to unfold into more than a single dimension. Fun plot twists kept me reading through the sequel and looking forward to the third book.

Helpful

thomas

Three Stars

Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2017

Verified Purchase

not to my taste

Helpful

Amazon Customer

Good start on a definitely different kind of wizard

Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2017

Verified Purchase

I'm giving this a five not because the story was so great, but because I think the character and his world have a lot of promise. I've read a lot of Gary Jonas' work and he can tell a good story with excellent characters and fun dialogue. This is The Half-Assed Wizard's origin story so it had to spend a lot of time setting his world up. The ending was a little abrupt, but I guess I'm grading on a curve, because, from what I've seen, I think it'll be worth coming back

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

fussy old lady

3 1/2 stars sorry

Reviewed in the United States on August 2, 2017

Verified Purchase

Well written but so far I don't like this foul mouthed infantile jerk.
He uses his terrible relationship with his father as an excuse for his lack of ambition and failure to get over himself and get himself a real life....Boooooh! Totally not cool
I really like this author and hope he fixes this soon.

Helpful

ThatCrazyBookGuy

Cool read

Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2017

Verified Purchase

Man I'm a big fan of urban fantasy and I really liked this one. I love snarky characters like Spidey and this book has a great one. But I also like a good story with some bumps and twists - this one has them too. Buy the book - I did and I'll tell you I'm going to get the follow-up right now

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Mike Powell

S'fun man.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 18, 2020

Verified Purchase

Like, chill dude. So you've got the potential to be a wizard but nor the inclination. No worries, just use a magic endowed pick to play your guitar whilst drifting through life. But idleness comes at a price, so when family start getting involved, people start looking for the tarot cards you've ended up with and evil henchman start appearing then maybe it's time to grow up, grow a pair and take responsibility.
Great fun and highly recommended. Party on dude.

Dr. Gary W Reid

Half-assed WIZARD

Reviewed in Canada on August 19, 2017

Verified Purchase

This was a fast paced book with a great story-line. It reminded me of me w/o majik. A good read. Go buy it. You will love it.

andrew from australia

A fun read

Reviewed in Australia on May 21, 2019

Verified Purchase

Light, easy to read and fun.... kinda like a light comedy for readers. I liked the lack of self pity and the fact the character didn’t take himself too seriously.

Ronnie Roberts

Meet a Hero with Attitude to Spare

Reviewed in Canada on June 14, 2017

Verified Purchase

Here's an amusing, fast read to pass your time. Clever, fast paced, with the promise of a fun new urban fantasy series for fans.

Kindle Customer Sands

Meet that guy

Reviewed in Australia on June 3, 2017

Verified Purchase

Likable buffoon who is forced to rise to the challenge of becoming his better version. Got some good twists. If you enjoy dresden or the iron druid this will entertain.

One person found this helpful

See more reviews

The Half-Assed Wizard: Book 1 Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Read & Listen

People who bought this also bought

Related to this topic

Only from Audible

Product details

Customer reviews

Top reviews from the United States

There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

Top reviews from other countries